Breaking up is hard — but selling the ring can be harder

It's the last thought anyone buying an engagement ring has while scouring glass cases at a jewelry store.

But as Peter Vander Zanden succinctly put it, "there are no guarantees in love."

So whatever the reason once-happy, engaged couples break it off, the question has to be asked. What about the ring?

"Usually, it's not going to be used again because there's a sentimental attachment to it," said Vander Zanden, owner of Vander Zanden Diamond Jewelers in Ashwaubenon. "So basically you have a couple of markets you can explore if you're looking to get rid of it … but there is not big demand for purchase of used jewelry among consumers."

Vander Zanden said he buys engagement rings from spurned lovers when it fulfills a need, but at a discount.

"Basically, we'll figure it's worth X amount of dollars to us, because we can go out and buy an item on the market any day," he said. "So of course, we'd like to pay less."

Citing Wisconsin court precedent, Vander Zanden said if the woman breaks the engagement, her breach of contract means she gives up rights to the ring.

Popular wedding site the Knot.com also addresses the delicate situation by saying, "If the bride calls off the wedding and her ring was a gift from the groom, it's appropriate for her to give it back. If the groom calls it off, the bride may want to give him his ring back because she does not want to be reminded of their failed engagement."

An attorney interviewed by the site agreed that when the woman cuts it off, she "is no longer willing to keep (her) promise, and in this case, she should not retain benefit from the agreement (the ring)."

For men left holding the ring, they end up scrambling to get a return on an investment that's not only been expensive, but is so attached to a life-changing event that anything pre-owned seems less personal.

"We let people know it's pre-owned, and they don't want it," said Dave Koury, manager at D&M Custom Jewelers in Green Bay. "The market is narrow. Very narrow. The price is driven down so much, so what I suggest to a lot of people is to try on their own because hopefully they can get more for themselves."

Two guys were trying just that recently through Green Bay Press-Gazette classified ads. One was asking $1,200 or best offer on a $1,500 ring, and another was asking $1,500 or best offer on a $2,000 ring. One seller had also tried eBay, the online auction site, but while the ring received plenty of page views, he didn't get a bid.

Then there's Josh Opperman's solution for bereft brides and grooms. He's the creator of "I Do ... Now I Don't" at www.idonowidont.com — also an auction-style Web site where rings are sold to the highest bidder.

"You can't sell it for what you bought it for, but maybe you can get at least 50 or 60 percent of the value," said Opperman, a 29-year-old real estate broker who saw a business opportunity after suffering his own heartbreak.

He felt funny about saving his ex's leftover ring for a future fiancée. So he tried to sell it back to the jeweler, who was willing to give Opperman about one-third of the ring's original cost. (Opperman declined to say exactly how much he paid.)

Since launching his site in November, "I Do" has hosted more than 100 auctions — many are still pending — and got raves from talk-show host Rachael Ray. After Opperman appeared on Ray's show last month, his site got 200,000 hits in one day, he said.

He explains that his site is different from other online auction houses like eBay because he guarantees that you won't get hoodwinked. Sellers are required to provide a certificate of authenticity from one of the country's three leading gemological laboratories.

Once an auction ends, the seller sends the ring to Opperman. He forwards it to the site's in-house jeweler — Opperman contracts with a shop in New York's Diamond District that has been in business for 30 years — for an inspection.

The site's fee is 5 percent of each ring's final sale price. But Opperman said sellers could post items for free, so "there's nothing to lose. If doesn't sell, it doesn't sell."

As for Opperman's own ring? He sold it on his site, of course, making more than half of his money back. While he's not pleased about his breakup, he's thrilled that it led him to start his own company.

"I would have never thought of this if that hadn't happened to me," he said. "Even if something bad happens to you, you can get something good out of it, like I did."